It’s been awhile. I know. But you have no idea.
I’m working today from a FANTASTIC restaurant a short bus ride from my house. It’s lovely, really. But the reason I’m here instead of at home is because our plumbing doesn’t work. You read that right. Our brand new house – the one we JUST moved into – is already broken. There is a backhoe tearing up my new lawn the week before Christmas.
Thank GOD for my sister- and brother-in-law, who have welcomed us into their home. I hope that everyone has family as awesome as ours – we are truly lucky, and I have no idea how we’ll ever repay the favor. Otherwise we’d have to leave the house every time someone needed to “go”…..and with a three year old……RIGHT.
So. Sometimes being a grown up sucks. While this is problematic on its own, as it requires plenty of worry about finances, the legal element of the home purchase and liability, the quality of the investment we just made, finding contractors you can trust when you’ve just recently discovered the grocery story, etc….the biggest worry is how this will affect our daughter. She’s been in four bedrooms in the last two months, and that’s bound to take it’s toll. She’s amazing, of course, and manages to astound us further in her resiliency. Bedtime is a disaster, but the rest of the day she takes in stride. Bed time will take care of itself in time, too.
Because when you’re smack in the middle of feeling sorry for yourself, something truly horrendous happens – as was the case last Friday. Thanks to his new job, Andrew was able to be home with me on Friday to meet with professionals and get to the bottom of our “crappy” problem. We sat together and cried, reading the headlines as they came in, overwhelmed with the weight of the tragedy. Parent or not, one cannot help but put themselves in the place of the families in Newtown.
But we were together. We can tuck our baby in tonight, and she will be safe and warm. We have food. We have family and friends. We have so much.
I know there is a lot of blaming going on. There are arguments all around me about Mental Health vs Gun Control vs Parenting vs Society and, while I certainly have my own thoughts about it all, I just can’t handle the political fighting right now. There is too much on my plate. I need to be the grown up here, and I need to do my job making my own child feel safe. She doesn’t need to feel all the stress of the plumbing fix or the legal issues surrounding it all. She certainly doesn’t need to know about the terrors in the world – not yet. I have to be the grown up – I have to try and model resiliency – and all I can manage right now is to be thankful for what I have. The house will get fixed. The holes will be dug and then filled in. We can always find a bathroom, and we have family willing to help us in the meantime. I had no idea last year what this Christmas would hold. We won’t have much by way of traditions or big parties.
But there will be plenty of love, and that is enough.