Team Oberdeck

I’m back.

What!?  A blog post from ME?!  You’d forgotten all about this little blog, right?  Or hoped that I’d finally gotten a life busy enough to prevent me from writing about it, shoving my hoity-toity-crafty-picture-perfect life in your face, right?

Boy.  I sure hope that’s not what this blog is about.

I haven’t forgotten.  November was National Adoption Month.  I had all these *thoughts* I wanted to share….but every time I sat down to write, my mind and my fingers got distracted by a conversation I had back in October with an acquaintance.  I know.  OCTOBER.  I hear “Let It Go” enough, you’d think I’d start putting it into practice.  But this person’s ignorance and self-righteousness was so disturbing to me… rattled my faith in humanity and the ability to learn, to grow, and to have an honest discourse with others.

Then Ferguson……well……I’m ONLY going to say that this hasn’t exactly righted my faith in a loving, compassionate, thoughtful human race.  I’ll let that all alone.

I don’t want to spew on my blog.  I don’t want to get political on Facebook.  I don’t want to PREACH online, and I’m rather inclined to *unfriend* those who do.  We are all entitled to our opinions, but I’m also entitled not to read hateful things every day, especially from folks who don’t even read past a headline.

I AM, however, happy to tell my stories.  I’m happy to share my political (and otherwise) views In Person (or phone or Skype or personal email, etc), where a thoughtful discourse can happen.  You know, where two people can share their thoughts – back and forth – perhaps not changing any minds, but at least hearing each other out.

But, then there’s the simple fact …. at least with adoption (which is where all this started, for me) …. I’m kind of in a spot.  I don’t want to preach, but there are some really hurtful, even dangerous perceptions out there.  If I want my daughters and other families graced by adoption to enjoy a certain amount of understanding, aren’t I obligated to talk about the realities of it?  I’m going to start with this piece.  It really hit home for me because the author acknowledges that the children “attacking” her child are probably being raised in loving homes by thoughtful parents – these are not neglectful parents, just uninformed.  The children know that adoption is a thing – they’ve been told about it – it’s a matter of semantics.  If there’s one thing my husband has really illuminated for me over the years, it’s how important word choice is in communication.  Children aren’t given up for adoption.  They are placed.  They aren’t left without their real families.  Their real families expand to include adoptive and birth families.  Birth and adoptive parents aren’t competing against each other (unlike what TV shows and the news want us to think).  They work together.  I loved how this woman talked about her love for the birth mother – I have the same admiration for Claire’s birth family – and we are purposefully building a relationship with as many members of her amazing birth family as we can to keep the bond strong.  I doesn’t diminish our place as Claire’s parents.  As this woman says and as my acquaintance refused to believe – Love is not dependent on biology.

I have so much more to say about this.  SO, so much more.  But I’m also struggling with how to put this in a framework that is sensitive to my daughters and our families.  Bear with me.  I don’t want to vent or rant or point fingers….but it’s important to me.  So I’m going to try and work it out.  AND – in the meantime – I’ll share some lovely little photos along the way so our extended families can keep up with our bright little women.  Goodness knows they’re growing up before our eyes.

For now, just a few pictures from our Thanksgiving celebration with Claire’s birth family.  They had an absolute blast in the snow (and dinner was delicious – Deary makes amazing pies!).  Excuse the terrible exposures.  I wasn’t feeling my best that day, but wanted to get a few pictures anyway.

This entry was published on December 3, 2014 at 11:36 pm and is filed under Adoption, Holidays. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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